My love.

By the time you read this letter, I'd probably be dead. Dead and buried.

 Don't be shocked. I've known this day would come since...well, since forever. It has been on my mind for way too long. As I walk away from this note, so you don't get all teary eyed on me, I need you to understand why I am doing this; you need to know why I'm giving myself up.

Know that I think of you, everyday. All the time, every day of my life for the past hundred billion years. Know that, I have always wanted to do this. Smile for me, in the midst of the confusion. I do really hope you understand that, when that spear is pierced through my sides, it would be because it feels empty without you. When they prong at my bones, know that you are the real bone of my bones. As the blood spills, know that the heart that pumps it through my vein beats only for you. My heart does not beat fine without you, so it's better off not beating, if that's what it takes.

I am scared, I would not deny that I am scared of going through with this. I've planned this day my whole life and yet my chest is heavy. They say no one should come between you and family, but, Daddy's boy is gonna be away, because of you. I and my Father, apart , for God knows how long. How do I survive it? How do I stay alone in this cold world through that torture while they mock, scorn, flog, spit, pierce...argh. I know I am able, but still...still...

I am scared of this death, but calmed by a greater one, the fear of not going through with this. If I do not do this right now, you'd die. Forever. There would be no hope. Cancer would win. Confusion would plague at your soul forever. You'd be forever chased by the guilt of your filth, a filth that would cease to be from today.

You see, I am not just your love. Tonight, I'd be much more than that.

I'd be the sacrifice. I'd be the scapegoat. I'd be the criminal. I'd be the scum of the earth. I'd be the broken, the filthy, the sick, the worthless, the ugly, the tattered. And I'd enjoy every second of it.

Why?

Because, today, I'd be you.

Deep, right?