Chinenye stood and stared at the beautiful seven year old. Hair braided, flair propped skirt, her index finger anchored between her upper and lower teeth, swabbed with saliva. They looked at each other for close to two minutes. The little girl found it amusing. She, on the other hand felt like bursting into tears.
"Aunty", the little girl spoke with a wide grin that exposed her unformed teeth." Why are you looking at me like that?". Chinenye stared at her and shook her head, trying hard to hold back the tears.
"I wish I could tell you what the problem is, but I can't and you wouldn't understand. You're young and innocent. You are first in your class and the only man in your life is your dad. You wouldn't understand".
" But little girl, listen", she went on."One day, you'd turn thirteen and then you'd begin to realise boys are not totally disgusting. I hope the desires don't come strong at that age, but if the hormones come early, too bad. Sweety, at sixteen, you'd get curious and you'd get beautiful. The other kind of beautiful. The beautiful that makes your brother's friend want to visit more regularly. The kind of beautiful that would make a walk down the street difficult, without horny boys begging for your number. That's the dangerous kind of beautiful, but life doesn't give you a choice".
"Then comes university. With the senior boys coming to " help" you with your clearance. University, where a virgin is treated as disgusting. University, where you must have a boyfriend and he must at least be touching you at the back of your hostel. Then come the lecturers and their "interest" in you. Oh, sweet little girl, when you fail an exam, they would want something in return. They would want you in their bed. University is a totally different ballgame".
"And then you graduate and go for the one year service. You then have one year to reevaluate your life. But by then, you're too far gone to turn back. You are already used to the expensive shoes, the sexy gowns and the money. The money the men in your life send. You can't depend on N19,800. That's recharge card money. You need real ego. And besides, all the time you would have used to develop yourself into the strong confident Amazon your grandma said you will become, all that time has been spent. Spent thinking on how to extract cash from that yahoo boy. Spent flirting with that mugu scholar in class to write tests for you. Spent wasting your life on emptiness".
"So you wake up at the end of service year and realise you have nothing. You hope you get pregnant for that Director, so he could give you regular money for upkeep. Worst case scenario, you marry the yahoo boy, even though he is far away from your Prince Charming. Far far away. But you don't have choices anymore. And then some days you begin to wonder where you got it wrong".
Then you remember. You remember SS1 when Scripture Union visited your school and asked if you would surrender your future to Jesus. You remember Year 2, when that spirikoko, pencil skirt choir roommate told you about how she's trusting God to give her her dream husband, while you got ready for TGIF clubbing. You remember all the Bible verses you disregarded and how you justified your conscience by visiting church every other time".
" So, little girl, though you don't understand anything I'm saying, please promise me this one thing. Promise me that when you hear about Jesus, you would listen. Listen and follow Him. Don't relive my life. So one day, you would not be standing in your room, with nothing on but your underwear, staring at your reflection and talking to a younger version of yourself only you can see. Little girl, can you promise me? Can you promise me?"
"Can you promise me, please?" Chinenye asked, before breaking into gentle sobs.
But, Chinenye did not expect a reply.
Because Chinenye had been standing there in her underwear, staring at her reflection.Talking to a younger version of herself, only she could see.
But it wasn't too late for her. It wasn't too late for her.
"Aunty", the little girl spoke with a wide grin that exposed her unformed teeth." Why are you looking at me like that?". Chinenye stared at her and shook her head, trying hard to hold back the tears.
"I wish I could tell you what the problem is, but I can't and you wouldn't understand. You're young and innocent. You are first in your class and the only man in your life is your dad. You wouldn't understand".
" But little girl, listen", she went on."One day, you'd turn thirteen and then you'd begin to realise boys are not totally disgusting. I hope the desires don't come strong at that age, but if the hormones come early, too bad. Sweety, at sixteen, you'd get curious and you'd get beautiful. The other kind of beautiful. The beautiful that makes your brother's friend want to visit more regularly. The kind of beautiful that would make a walk down the street difficult, without horny boys begging for your number. That's the dangerous kind of beautiful, but life doesn't give you a choice".
"Then comes university. With the senior boys coming to " help" you with your clearance. University, where a virgin is treated as disgusting. University, where you must have a boyfriend and he must at least be touching you at the back of your hostel. Then come the lecturers and their "interest" in you. Oh, sweet little girl, when you fail an exam, they would want something in return. They would want you in their bed. University is a totally different ballgame".
"And then you graduate and go for the one year service. You then have one year to reevaluate your life. But by then, you're too far gone to turn back. You are already used to the expensive shoes, the sexy gowns and the money. The money the men in your life send. You can't depend on N19,800. That's recharge card money. You need real ego. And besides, all the time you would have used to develop yourself into the strong confident Amazon your grandma said you will become, all that time has been spent. Spent thinking on how to extract cash from that yahoo boy. Spent flirting with that mugu scholar in class to write tests for you. Spent wasting your life on emptiness".
"So you wake up at the end of service year and realise you have nothing. You hope you get pregnant for that Director, so he could give you regular money for upkeep. Worst case scenario, you marry the yahoo boy, even though he is far away from your Prince Charming. Far far away. But you don't have choices anymore. And then some days you begin to wonder where you got it wrong".
Then you remember. You remember SS1 when Scripture Union visited your school and asked if you would surrender your future to Jesus. You remember Year 2, when that spirikoko, pencil skirt choir roommate told you about how she's trusting God to give her her dream husband, while you got ready for TGIF clubbing. You remember all the Bible verses you disregarded and how you justified your conscience by visiting church every other time".
" So, little girl, though you don't understand anything I'm saying, please promise me this one thing. Promise me that when you hear about Jesus, you would listen. Listen and follow Him. Don't relive my life. So one day, you would not be standing in your room, with nothing on but your underwear, staring at your reflection and talking to a younger version of yourself only you can see. Little girl, can you promise me? Can you promise me?"
"Can you promise me, please?" Chinenye asked, before breaking into gentle sobs.
But, Chinenye did not expect a reply.
Because Chinenye had been standing there in her underwear, staring at her reflection.Talking to a younger version of herself, only she could see.
But it wasn't too late for her. It wasn't too late for her.
- 10:49:00
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