The Note

Fiction

My love.

By the time you read this letter, I'd probably be dead. Dead and buried.

 Don't be shocked. I've known this day would come since...well, since forever. It has been on my mind for way too long. As I walk away from this note, so you don't get all teary eyed on me, I need you to understand why I am doing this; you need to know why I'm giving myself up.

Know that I think of you, everyday. All the time, every day of my life for the past hundred billion years. Know that, I have always wanted to do this. Smile for me, in the midst of the confusion. I do really hope you understand that, when that spear is pierced through my sides, it would be because it feels empty without you. When they prong at my bones, know that you are the real bone of my bones. As the blood spills, know that the heart that pumps it through my vein beats only for you. My heart does not beat fine without you, so it's better off not beating, if that's what it takes.

I am scared, I would not deny that I am scared of going through with this. I've planned this day my whole life and yet my chest is heavy. They say no one should come between you and family, but, Daddy's boy is gonna be away, because of you. I and my Father, apart , for God knows how long. How do I survive it? How do I stay alone in this cold world through that torture while they mock, scorn, flog, spit, pierce...argh. I know I am able, but still...still...

I am scared of this death, but calmed by a greater one, the fear of not going through with this. If I do not do this right now, you'd die. Forever. There would be no hope. Cancer would win. Confusion would plague at your soul forever. You'd be forever chased by the guilt of your filth, a filth that would cease to be from today.

You see, I am not just your love. Tonight, I'd be much more than that.

I'd be the sacrifice. I'd be the scapegoat. I'd be the criminal. I'd be the scum of the earth. I'd be the broken, the filthy, the sick, the worthless, the ugly, the tattered. And I'd enjoy every second of it.

Why?

Because, today, I'd be you.

Deep, right?

Unlove

Poetry

Take a lesson in reversing
How to shift gears from D to R
Right to left, leaving behind what's wrong
Turn back the hour hand to before
The thought of our hands touching went outta hand

I want to go back to before the obsession
Before I knew there wouldn't be more beautiful
That I would never see eyes more magical
Or a smile so defeating and brazen
To win and reject me in between sentences

Teach me to rewind this poem
Till when it was a fleeting thought
and when you were only just
A mindless crush my mind crushed
Before you throw your no; so effortless
Teach me to unlove you first

Fences

Poetry

She looks pretty in red
So pretty that she makes me scared
Her cold stare leaves me dead
and to my lungs, her soft voice returns breath

I wish she was wicked
I'd have a reason for hatred
And not this longing instead
now I am left with a broken heart and a twisted head

Faith says try again
Ego says, there's no gain
Hope says maybe there's a way
The voices whirl over my head and jam my brain

and like a ship at sea
and like the sheep I see
She's the fodder for me
Green pastures barricaded with the fences of unavailability

Notre Dame

Poetry

I like the power you wield
All of Cupid's arrows fall before your mighty shield
The scented venm of romance loses its sting
and you prance around with arrogance indeed

I heard that you were perfect
So I locked a seventh of me in a golden locket
Passed it to you hoping you wear it
You flung it to the floor, it broke before I neared it

Retreating to my cave, I put the pieces together
Moping in isolation as the walls echoed your laughter
Teased and haunted I remembered my dreams
In place of blissful memories, come haunting screams

But when I arrive the odds would turn
The stars would realign and your lingering eyes would return
Biting your index, you would rethink
Every flimsy excuse, and your heart will sink

For I have returned all graced and powerful
My undeniable charm has made you available
Now I pick my princess, with poise and calm
I have emerged, the Prince of Notre Dame

Bethel

Poetry

There is a place between comfort and confusion
A feeling of peace muddled up with the storm
Patience being in holy matrimony with haste
Spices of life spiked with a stale putrid taste

There is Haran and there will be Canaan
There is the father's mansion and a vague concrete plan
To leave it all and walk in the wilderness
Bethel is sought after with hunger and thirst

But I have seen the stars and they are uncountable
The constellations make the mountains submountable
Leaving it all behind, we never had a choice
We are but wanderers following a still small voice

So with the wife and the nephew and bags packed
We would believe our sanity remains intact
We cross our hearts and know we died
Sojourn in search of our soul's delight.

Wrinkles

Poetry
You met me years afar off
When the wrinkles had set in
My heart pounded by challenges
My smile worn out by pain

A lil while back we would have bonded
Laughed hysterically and psych battled
I would have teased and taunted you to pieces
My poetry was secondary to my speeches

But now the glimmer is found only in my eyes
The chains on my youth clang with my sighs
In you, I see the freedom I was, at its highs
But then I'm shackled back when you say bye

So faintly I reach out and hope we'd meet
Somewhere in the scribbles of the remains of me
and with the shovel of your company you'd gently dig
Through the debris of my quietness, and set me free

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