And what if they know?

For they see a man
Standing tall, conquering cities
What if they know?
That deep down, with every victory came a thirst for the sweet waters of retreat
That he finds himself plagued by the demands of his foot soldiers

And what if they know?
That the charming gentleman with the stunning smile and the dapper suit
Calmly wishes to hide away from plain view
For he took a look at his contact list and found out
That though he had many friends, he couldn't trust any with his struggle
A future partner never seemed likely when in his weakest moments, the damsels run.
And he is left distressed?

And what if they know?
That though he would never take his life,
The thoughts have flashed through his mind for a jiffy,
But his strong Christianity takes over,
And he justifies it with some corny Jim Reeves,
"Heaven is my home", he says,
But deep down he knows that life is tiring.
And heaven is the only bliss left worth inspiring
Oh yeah, that's it.
He won't take his life, 'cause that would take away heaven.
Pity.

And what if they know?
That his philanthropy is but a cover for loneliness
That all he sees are people needing saving and not the shoulders he is left craving?
He doesn't trust anyone with his life, even his mother who handed it to him,
Her tears dry his,
Or at least  till he is out of plain view
Even the time and schedules don't give him a chance.
Cranial veins rage in silence.
His heart yearns for company. Friends. Bonds.
Nonsense.

And what if they know?
That he is bitter, untrusting, partly unloving
That he is scared that the revelation of his hurting would haunt all who dare claim to know him.
How he laughs off every glimpse of weakness that he let's out.
Because the world needs a saviour
No one wants a broken egg shell
Yolk and white spilled on the tarmac
They want a champion!
One ready to fight off the decay of the world.
So he spends his time, strength, energy.
Then, he is left empty.

And what if they know?
You see, that's his greatest fear.
That if they know, they'll run.
And it would make no difference.
'Cause he would  still be alone.
Until he can't stand the hypocrisy any longer.
Then they'll know.
Hopefully, there'll still be time to salvage him.
Hopefully, someone would care more than less.
Hopefully.